The Role of Rapport in Creating Success!

What exactly is rapport?

Rapport is the skill of connecting with others in a meaningful way.  It's evolved out of thousands of years of human development and is pivotal in human social-order.  Social scientists have known for years that rapport, being in ‘synch’ with others, forms the basis of peaceful, enabling relationships. But we all know people who struggle to create rapport and we find them uncomfortable to be around.  From the office junior through middle-management to the senior partner, the ability to create rapport is what matters.  Businesses where rapport is honoured are nice places to work; they are also more productive and more strongly functional.  Rapport is where it’s at.

Think about Dating:

Think about what it is that attracts you to a date and then what holds you in the relationship?  Some people explain it by saying ‘he just gets me’.  This person has the skills to be in tune with their date, he is a listener and good communicator; he is interested in his date and wants to hear about her world.  You won’t feel judged or awkward around this date, you’ll feel comfortable and yourself.  Well business is not much different.  Team members need to listen to each other and have an interest in the world of their colleagues; managers and partners need to connect and listen.  People are happier in the workplace when they feel important and ‘cared for’; that their contribution makes a difference. Rapport has a strong role to play in making work a place where rapport makes people feel they want to contribute.

But can you learn it?

If you are a person that feels they want to check out their rapport skills, you are half way there!  People who are keen to gain personal insight are people who are open to growth and change.  This personal openness to change is fundamental to learning new skills in creating rapport.  It takes courage to do things differently and to self-challenge, but you will reap the benefits and find people seeking you out to do more business with you or just to chill with you!  What follows are a few simple questions on the rapport-ometer to check yourself out.

10 Top Rapport Tips:

1. Do you set out to create rapport from your first introduction to someone? A good handshake and a strong level of confidence means you’ll create rapport and people will remember you. Confidence is contagious…
2. Are you ‘super-sensitised’ to what other people may think of you? This is disabling and will prevent you from creating rapport.  Remember people are more likely to form positive opinions from the outset so make sure they see you in a positive light.  Set out by assuming they like you. It’s not difficult to do.
3. How is your handshake? Check out your handshake; ask your friends- get some feedback. Are you a bone-crusher? Wet fish? Offer your hand to ‘kiss’?
4. Are you ‘self-obsessed’? Be more interested in other people and less interested in yourself.
5. Do you remember the troubles that other people may have shared with you in the past?  Ensure a better level of rapport by asking how things are going now.
6. How many words do you use? Listen more and talk less; if you feel the need to interrupt take at least one extra breath!
7. Do you ask useful questions? Ask open questions, yes- even in business. ‘Tell me some more about…’; ‘what did you feel about that…’
8. Do you have good communication skills? Sometimes it can be very helpful to create rapport by summing up what the person has said; they will feel that you have really listened to them.
9. Are you socially-competitive? Avoid matching/topping a story you have been told with one of your own, this is tedious and the person will feel less ‘special’. Stay with their story. Ask a couple of questions about it.
10. Are you self-aware? Become more aware of the reactions of others when you launch into a story; are they interested? Are they bored? Become more attuned to ensure rapport.

Finally:

We humans are social animals and our brains are wired to socially connect (and attune) with others.  Don’t let lack of confidence get in the way of establishing good rapport. Make personal changes now!  Ensure you have a good level of rapport by following the 10 top tips above and keep on learning; you’ll see the difference.

Jacky Lewis at Training Matters London: www.trainingmatterslondon.co.uk teaches a wide variety of courses in professional development skills. She is a busy trainer, coach and mediator.